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Monday After

If I can’t have you here,
I’ll have peaceful joys,
even somewhat dreamlike
tearful hours,

How I’ll fear that you’re suffering
on dragging days
when you want to be tired
and drift away

while on walk on my own
veiling thoughts from my face
reminiscing in silence
your kiss and your taste

in this love-ridden bleakness
my only complaint is
the price of your sweetness
consumes me with pain

still I shalln’t be defeated
but can’t be the same
when I speak empty phrases
yet think of your name.

– Lennie Bezwik


A Lone Rose

lone rose
too much rain
has fallen on
the purest flower,
still standing
throughout winter,
this lone rose that
grows and forces thorns
into all hands that
try to touch,
too much rain
has fallen on
the purest flower
that I admire most
in this wilting
garden of Eden,
I’m dreaming from afar
with all desire to be
close to her
and gently find
the precise point on
her smooth defiant stem
and pick her from
those drying roots,
away from winter’s
harshest truths
and back to where she’s
warm and watered,
glowing bright and
filled with life.

– Lennie Bezwik

Pretending For You

You can only make me
pretend I don’t
love you,
let’s not rupture this
you tell me
but for me every
conversation that may
have seemed innocent
was a desperate struggle to
withhold all I felt that was
screaming from within.
You can only make me
pretend I don’t
love you,
friends we’ll remain as
you wish,
I allow you to set the terms
of how we interact cos in
my hidden heart
being near you is
what matters most.
You can only make me
pretend I don’t
love you,
and tomorrow I’ll joke
and feign a lighthearted
approach to things while
being dragged down
to the ground by this
heavy heart of mine
that I’m forced to carry
around with me
for as long as
remain inside it.

– Lennie Bezwik

The Less

The less you’re here,
the more I want you,
how my head sinks into
the sanctuary of my pillow
and I’m able to close
both eyes and dream of
past times where the sun
shines even though today
the icy air covers the grass
and car windows in
fresh white frost outside,
inside my mind there’s
heat and golden rays
breaking through the clouds
to pave the way for every
path we walk through,
you gripping my arm and
I holding your waist
like we did last summer
on the dreamlike coast
when I kissed you on the
pier and then we held
each other close,
like we did last summer
and we’re gonna do
in the temple of our
consciousness where
space and time
does not exist.

– Lennie Bezwik

Coffee Shop Girl

My coffee shop girl from
behind the counter where
she smiles from the tiles
where I step in and berate
myself for seeming imperfect,
for walking out of rhythm,
for smiling too much,
for smiling too little,
for frowning or saying hi
in a way that reveals I’m shy,
for feigning confidence clumsily
and being seen through like the
clear glass of water she sips from
behind the counter yet
every failure is only the fuel I consume
to boost me into victory
like a shot of espresso with
sugar settling in the middle
and so tomorrow I’ll present to you
the better me.

– Lennie Bezwik

Dead Dry Plaza

Forty degrees on Sunday
in the empty centre of
the desert city,
swigging on a cold bottle
alone at the café table,
battling self-pity,
envisioning the bodies
that moved here on
that Friday when I
met you by the bar and
and out we stepped
together here,
and as the vultures circle
overhead and I breathe
the dusty humid air,
I wonder where you are,
who you’re with and
if you even care.

– Lennie Bezwik

Last Friday

dim bar
caught up in the buzz of the bar
I let the poison bring out the beast in me,
pour me another señora,
dim lights and dim-coloured jars of lager
amidst the smiles, movement
and laughter of otherwise
hard-grafters beautifully reducing
ourselves to dimwits to
turn down the dimmer switch of the
light that burns the eyes on
Monday mornings and rots the
fibre of the soul until
Friday evenings when click click
bang bang, we shoot down the demon
of drudgery and step outside of
the dungeon and out into the sky
that starts at our feet and carries on
up into the clouds and beyond the stars,
tonight I’m gonna be infinite too
as I cast my gaze over you
and gravitate towards your body and
struggle to keep my distance,
I let the poison bring out the beast in me
with my words slurring I’m ridiculous,
waking up the next morning
thinking that I’ve probably fucked it all up,
I said silly things, I got too touchy,
I pushed you away when I just
wanted you to love me.

– Lennie Bezwik

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