Archive | February 2014

This Mourning

Red-Autumn-Forest-Leaves-Wallpaper
Missing you
is just as
painful as,
even more
painful than,
loving you,

knowing that
you’re sleeping
as I weep,
dreaming of
feeling your
warmth once more,

all we have
is always
sadly lost,
autumn leaves
turning red
falling down,

drying up
on icy
winter soil
as we crave
our long lost
distant star.

– Lennie Bezwik

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This Shock

candle_0
Like in all
gritty London boroughs
where all we see is
bricks beneath the
everyday grey skies,
this town drags us
down
beneath the clouds
down
beneath the drizzle
down
swimming in this gutter
down
but your smile
and teeth
and eyes gave us
around you a lift,
it’s the rare but
sweet little things
like you
that help us
dejected local drinkers and
smokers to stand on
our feet
absorbing your
exclusive radiance,
a sweet ray of
gentle sunshine,
each and every time
we saw you and
saw that smile,
now gone forever
at the hands
of a jealous
lover,
your twisted fella
who couldn’t control
what was attacking him
from within,
now sitting in his cell
wondering how the hell
he let one moment of
burning rage
kill you
and take away his
daylight
until the grey winters
of old age creep up
over him
and an old and withering
murderer is released
into the cold
and lonely tunnel
of his
latter days,
too much
life lost
thrown away
for nothing,
your dear old
mother suffering and
worst of all
your innocent daughter
not knowing
what’s happened
to her loving mother,
mum’s smile gone,
hair gone,
voice gone,
touch gone,
a sweet ray of
gentle sunshine
dragged into the
centre of a black hole,
how cruel and
unpredictable,
this shock,
this pain,
this grief
which belongs to
all of us
who loved
who you were.

– Lennie Bezwik

When I Met You

lifeandlove
When I met you
on that golden tipsy
afternoon in June,
I had to test my acting skills,
how strong how confident how manly
and intelligent can I appear to be
and how much so can I smother the
weak and sensitive and clumsy child
within who slips up when distracted
by your charm,
who doesn’t think straight
cos his mind is blurred by dreamy
visions of you?
play it cool I urge myself,
the calm and smooth and composed tone
of voice is contradicted by the heart inside
that’s beating fast and
panic seething in my gut,
she’s too good for
me,
she’s too good
for me,
she’s too
good for me,
if my looks and manner can’t impress,
maybe I can use some wit
but even then,
this beauty’s too clever,
even her humour’s better,
I’m running out of ammo,
preparing to surrender,
the war was already over
before it had even begun,
when I met you
on that golden tipsy
afternoon in June,
when I met you then and knew
of a looming battle I’m due to lose,
I could never be stronger,
wiser or more beautiful than
you
so what could you possibly see in
me?
I’ve nothing to offer but this heart,
already bruised,
already scarred,
a war already over,
a treasure impossible to capture,
a defeated general not tough enough
to conquer what he must,
now resorting back to the bottle
on a cloudy tipsy evening in a
never-ending November.

– Lennie Bezwik

Kim Källström (Life)

motorcycle-rider-at-sunset.jpeg.pagespeed.ic.FwXv1yYyoQ
Life is a loan signing
an unexpected panic buy
in the January transfer window,
life is a Kim Källström
it comes out of nowhere
and never ends up
the way you plan it to be,
a loan signing,
only here until the season ends
when it must return to
the infinite number of
distant teams untelevised
supported by the unseen stars,
before the season ends
I’ve got lessons to learn,
people to encounter,
music to hear that
reduces me to tears,
crowds of drug-fuelled bodies
sweating shouting singing,
partners to find,
sex just for pleasure,
love to find,
sex just for love,
hearts to break and
women to break mine
until it toughens up,
gothic European cathedrals to see,
mountains to climb,
lakes to camp by,
cities to dwell in,
bars to get wasted in,
kitchen floors to wake up on
with an aching head and
an upset stomach,
busy streets to cross,
favourites cafés to sit in,
books to read,
conversations to have,
friends to make and
friends to lose,
joy to embrace,
pain to overcome,
beaches to lie on and
motorbikes to ride
on winding coastal roads along
the cliffs overlooking the great
blue curve of planet earth and
cold beers to drink in sweltering
summer nights
cos life is like a loan signing
and every Kim Källström must
embrace every second
every emotion
every experience,
never to shy away from
new paths,
dark corners or
difficult puzzles,
just do the fucking thing
so when the season ends in may
you can smile on the plane that
flies you back to
FC Eternally Never Televised.

– Lennie Bezwik

Under The Same Star

space-2011-03-01-space-station-sun-zoom
All under the same star,
tomorrow morning
the two of us
will rise
and rub our eyes
from either side
of a pale green stream
flowing over cold grey stones
under a baby blue blanket
in a timeless European town
surrounded by mountain peaks,
all under the same star,
I shower in hot water,
your bathroom fills with steam,
I reach for my towel,
you dry your body,
I brush my teeth,
you spit water into the sink,
I put on jeans,
you check your skirt
and slender figure in the mirror,
I take a piss,
you comb your hair,
I’m out the flat,
you’re drawing
black pencil lines around
your eyes,
all under the same star,
I’m thinking of you,
you’re leaving your flat,
I’m walking to work,
you’re thinking of me,
I haven’t seen you this week,
you haven’t called,
I haven’t emailed,
you’re waiting on me,
I’m resisting your absence,
all under the same star,
you’re sweet you’re confident
you’re patient,
I’m impulsive I’m erratic
I’m struggling,
working hard to stay afloat
upon the calm seas of
your world
where all dangers are deep
down below
what meets the eye
but my love is
stronger than fear
and I want you here
with me
under the same star
when it rises and
when it falls.

– Lennie Bezwik

Weakening Within

Waiting_for_your_call
When the mobile rings
I’ll come off the internet,
I’ll stop reading shit,

I’ll stop day dreaming,
gazing out of the window,
chasing distractions,

when the mobile rings
I’ll ignore television,
snap out of slumber,

self-inflicted pain
burning through the heart and veins,
the price of defeat,

my head couldn’t win,
a battle lost to the heart
so I blame myself,

stripped of weaponry,
I return home mortified,
the power of looks,

you conquered this man
with effortless charm and style,
how strong your sweetness,

imprisoned I am,
separated from your voice,
confined in this flat,

when the mobile rings,
I’ll answer relieved and freed,
feigning indifference,

I won’t sound too pleased,
posing as a stable man,
weakening within.

– Lennie Bezwik

Sipping Tea Like Me

tea
Rain falling in the dark night as I
sit inside watching steam rise from
the hot tea,
winter’s most underappreciated
warm liquid love,
and I sip that warmth that addictive
bitterness,
that dark golden water glow from
green leaves of china,
my best friend in winter who I love
at night,
who I love when it’s raining and cold
outside the window here beside me,
and I think of you girl,
across those rooftops and over the
river and under the stars,
sipping tea like me as we await longer
days and blankets of daylight and
earlier sunrises and bright blue skies
and crickets buzzing in the nights and
little lizards running out from under
rocks in the scorching afternoons,
we miss the summer as much as they
and when the summer arrives,
it’s you I crave,
the girl who stole my heart in autumn
and occupied my mind throughout the
winter who will only be cemented in
my heart by spring as the young flowers
start coming of age and innocent colours
gently reveal themselves in the parks and
on the trees
and when the summer arrives,
I wonder now,
will you and I be someplace by the sea?
I take your hand as we stroll across sand
and kiss you softly how you want to be
kissed and hold you with these arms
of mine that feel just right when
tightly wrapped around your waste,
the lazy tide slowly flowing in and
erasing our footprints as I tell you that
I love you
and I wanna spend more seasons
loving you,
like I love this moment in dreamy summer,
white petals in early spring,
blood-red leaves in autumn and the sipping
of hot tea on a cold and solitary night in
dark winter,
loving you
like I do now.

– Lennie Bezwik

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