Monday After

If I can’t have you here,
I’ll have peaceful joys,
even somewhat dreamlike
tearful hours,

How I’ll fear that you’re suffering
on dragging days
when you want to be tired
and drift away

while on walk on my own
veiling thoughts from my face
reminiscing in silence
your kiss and your taste

in this love-ridden bleakness
my only complaint is
the price of your sweetness
consumes me with pain

still I shalln’t be defeated
but can’t be the same
when I speak empty phrases
yet think of your name.

– Lennie Bezwik

A Lone Rose

lone rose
too much rain
has fallen on
the purest flower,
still standing
throughout winter,
this lone rose that
grows and forces thorns
into all hands that
try to touch,
too much rain
has fallen on
the purest flower
that I admire most
in this wilting
garden of Eden,
I’m dreaming from afar
with all desire to be
close to her
and gently find
the precise point on
her smooth defiant stem
and pick her from
those drying roots,
away from winter’s
harshest truths
and back to where she’s
warm and watered,
glowing bright and
filled with life.

– Lennie Bezwik

Pretending For You

gfu
You can only make me
pretend I don’t
love you,
let’s not rupture this
friendship
you tell me
but for me every
conversation that may
have seemed innocent
was a desperate struggle to
withhold all I felt that was
screaming from within.
You can only make me
pretend I don’t
love you,
friends we’ll remain as
you wish,
I allow you to set the terms
of how we interact cos in
my hidden heart
being near you is
what matters most.
You can only make me
pretend I don’t
love you,
and tomorrow I’ll joke
and feign a lighthearted
approach to things while
being dragged down
to the ground by this
heavy heart of mine
that I’m forced to carry
around with me
for as long as
you
remain inside it.

– Lennie Bezwik

A Foolish Reality

winefear
I want to talk
to people

but I need
more wine

cos sobriety
equals fear.

– Lennie Bezwik

The Less

frost
The less you’re here,
the more I want you,
how my head sinks into
the sanctuary of my pillow
and I’m able to close
both eyes and dream of
past times where the sun
shines even though today
the icy air covers the grass
and car windows in
fresh white frost outside,
inside my mind there’s
heat and golden rays
breaking through the clouds
to pave the way for every
path we walk through,
you gripping my arm and
I holding your waist
like we did last summer
on the dreamlike coast
when I kissed you on the
pier and then we held
each other close,
like we did last summer
and we’re gonna do
forever
in the temple of our
consciousness where
space and time
does not exist.

– Lennie Bezwik

Coffee Shop Girl

csg
My coffee shop girl from
behind the counter where
she smiles from the tiles
where I step in and berate
myself for seeming imperfect,
for walking out of rhythm,
for smiling too much,
for smiling too little,
for frowning or saying hi
in a way that reveals I’m shy,
for feigning confidence clumsily
and being seen through like the
clear glass of water she sips from
behind the counter yet
every failure is only the fuel I consume
to boost me into victory
like a shot of espresso with
sugar settling in the middle
and so tomorrow I’ll present to you
the better me.

– Lennie Bezwik

Dead Dry Plaza

zg
Forty degrees on Sunday
in the empty centre of
the desert city,
swigging on a cold bottle
alone at the café table,
battling self-pity,
envisioning the bodies
that moved here on
that Friday when I
met you by the bar and
and out we stepped
together here,
and as the vultures circle
overhead and I breathe
the dusty humid air,
I wonder where you are,
who you’re with and
if you even care.

– Lennie Bezwik

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